Gambit2588's Xanga

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 02:06:25 GMT

Rain for me was once used to calm the senses.
A way to set at ease my mind and drown myself in the endless sounds of raindrops.
Now the rain is only there to hide the tears.
Knowing that the love that used to be there is gone.
Like a knife eviscerating my heart.
Just knowing that there is nothing,
Nothing left that i can do...
No way to make reborn what has been lost is the worst of it all.
Seeing that face... those eyes.
The eyes like stars now peer down upon me,
Though the beauty is there, its no longer for me.
All i see is the emptyness left inside of me.
Now drained... my heart ceases to beat...
I am nothing...

Friday, August 25, 2006

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 13:56:10 GMT

how do you bring a smile that just isn't there... how can you make something right that you don't know how to fix. how do you make everything just feel right again.... i don't know, i need to know... i need help. i don't know what to do or what to say.

~God i hate myself

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 01:14:14 GMT

i hate myself......i honestly truly do... i just do.....i am a bad horrible person. and no matter what any of you say it wont change the fact... that i am a bad person. i don't think before i speak... i hate it. i need to change. everything needs to change, just about me. i'm incredibly stupid and don't think. i hate myself. things are just falling apart. they are all my fault. my relationship with my father, with my brother... and most importantly with my girlfriend. i love her to death... but i mess up by not thinking before i speak. i wish i could just reboot myself, with better prgramming like a computer. i wish i could hit redo or undo on things and learn from them. things are falling apart... i am falling apart. i need help. i honestly just need help. i need to be better then who i am. i need to do it, if noone else but for me... but i need to for other people too. i am just losing things i tried so hard for... i'm loosing someone who i love... and i mean LOVE... i need someone to just HELP ME! PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 12:41:41 GMT

how do you fix something, that you aren't sure how to fix... and all the answers have esacped you? i don't know. but right now i wish i did.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 03:09:28 GMT

She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers and she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
And she made you better than you'd been before
She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
She said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
And you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough of her to hang on

I love her, and nothing will take that away

Remember, remember, the 5th of November

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 01:28:59 GMT

Remember, remember, the 5th of November

The Gunpowder Treason and plot ;

I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,

'Twas his intent.

To blow up the King and the Parliament.

Three score barrels of powder below.

Poor old England to overthrow.

By God's providence he was catch'd,

With a dark lantern and burning match

Holloa boys, Holloa boys, let the bells ring

Holloa boys, Holloa boys, God save the King!

Hip hip Hoorah !

A penny loaf to feed ol'Pope,

A farthing cheese to choke him.

A pint of beer to rinse it down,

A faggot of sticks to burn him.

Burn him in a tub of tar,'

Burn him like a blazing star.

Burn his body from his head,

Then we'll say: ol'Pope is dead.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 18:21:42 GMT

so i got my schedule for school.

1. Ap Music Theory- Deitz
2. Advanced Math I- Bisking
3. CD Singers- Deitz
4. Music Keyboarding 1,3,5- thomson
4. Strength& Conditioning 2,4,6- Iskric
5. CP English- Wiley
6. Study Hall 1,3,5- Vasil
6. Guitar 2,4,6- Kibler
7. Lunch
8. Study Hall- Moris, 135
9. Dramatic Art- Bennett

let me know if i have anything with you... ps MYSPACE SUCKS!!!

Friday, July 28, 2006

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 02:38:25 GMT

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Our act of defiance
We keep this secret in our blood
No paper or letters
We pass just close enough to touch
We love in secret names
We hide within our veins
The things that keep us bound to one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

Until the last resilient hope
Is frozen deep inside my bones
And this broken fate has claimed me
And my memories for its own
Your name is pounding through my veins
Can't you hear how it is sung?
And I can taste you in my mouth
Before the words escape my lungs
And I'll whisper only once...

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we have to
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

'Cause you will be somebody's girl
And you will keep each other warm
But tonight I am feeling cold

Monday, July 24, 2006

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 13:38:34 GMT

so here is the update on everythin

Elle is back, and is totally beautiful. she looks amazing, i'm so happy to have her back home. it makes me alot happier.

Things with diane are absolutly amazing, i love her with all my heart, its almost been 6 months. i am very very excited about it .

school starts soon, and so does rehearsal for a musical i am in... everything is going pretty well, i'm liking it!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 18:32:53 GMT

so di di has come back, its been a while since i have updated so i thought i would give everyone the 411. lol. so they started working on my car alittle bit ago. they said it would take a week- two weeks. the insurance company is going to be mailing us a check so we get everything thing squared away. so that is going to be taken care of shortly. but i will be off at camp when my car is supposed to be done... and i kinda don't want my parents or my brother driving it. its one of those selfish complexes.... its mine... and i hate it when i have to mess around with the controls... cause i know my dad has no respect of moving other people's controls, or mirrors... he just does it. so he is the last person i want to drive my car... the first would be my brother, cause i know he gets as annoyed as i do when someone messes with he controls. i have whiplash in my back... so i'm taking pills for that. and when i get back from my camp i'm starting physical therapy. and we did get a rental... so i do have a car, but its my dads, and i don't really like it too much but it is something... right? i have been spending as much time as i can with diane. cause i leave for camp, and i feel absolutly horrible about leaving because it is for a week, and it is during her birthday... like the day i leave is the day before her birthday.... and i feel like a horrible boyfriend for leaving. . i hope she can forgive me about it. but i am really glad to be back in the US, and have her back in the US... cause she is absolutly amazing. she means the world to me. there are very very few people who would be able to say that they understand what i'm talking about. but i just love her. i straight up love her. and she knows it, and i know that she loves me. it seems that no matter what, i am happy around her... her family loves me... well maybe not her sister (she always seems to pick of either me or di di and is pretty rude), but besides that we all get her along. and my parents and brother really like her alot too. she calls my parents mom and dad... she is such a cutie. i just love her. well i should get going. i have work with diane in about an hour, and i have somethings that i have to try and finish before i leave.

~God I Love Her

~Mark